Monday, May 25, 2009

Johnny Depp, what can't you do?!?!

Dear Johnny,

I'm not sure if you know me, but I am completely obsessed with find myself so utterly fascinated by everything you do. I love stalking you behind various pieces of shrubbery gazing at pictures of your hotness all over the internet, and hope that one day I can get your autograph, if you ever let go of that silly restraining order should I ever get the chance to meet you in person.

I, for one, enjoy the various roles you willingly take on, making sure to avoid being typecast as the same boring person in every movie. I have yet to meet a man with scissors for hands, and I am actually fine with that because sharp objects slightly frighten me.

I know that you don't want to be the heart-throb, but I cannot lie. Captain Jack Sparrow is still HOT, even for being a pirate with a few hygiene problems and an obsession with rum.

Captain Jack, please let me join yer crew! Arrrrrrrrrrrr! See? I can talk like a pirate!Ummm...hello! I will follow you! Follow you wherever you may goooooooo! Err...sorry. No more singing.
A girl like me loves nothing more than a hot guy who can play the piano!!! HOTSPICE!
And the guitar! Srsly, Johnny, what can't you do?

I seriously think you should begin to ponder all the things we have in common, before you decide that I'm just some crazy little obsessed fangirl! For instance, I too....have...brown hair! Yeah! So...umm...I love you! I know you were born in Owensboro, KY, and hate to admit it. Well, my friend, I went to college in Owensboro (Owensboring), and after living there for six years, I totally understand why you don't ever visit the place you were born!!!! We could so bond over the sucktitude that is Owensboro, if you'd just get to know me!

Anyway, I digress...we must get back to what makes you the fabulous piece of man meat that you always have been and always will be.
I would like to point out one flaw of yours, and it's that sicknast smoking habit. Although I guess I should not complain too much since your looks are still there, your talent is neverending, and you are just plain awesome!!
Call me a nerd, but I'm a sucker for a guy in glasses. Hello hotness!!!!
Johnny, you kinda creeped me out as Sweeny Todd, and I even had to wonder about you just a little in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," and despite all these, your hotness factor has never faltered for a moment. The fact that you're fearless when it comes to the roles you take makes you even hunkier in my opinion. Johnny Man Meat can do it all! So HOT! Let me just end my love letter on this note:

"Oh, Johnny, you're so fine! You're so fine you
blow my mind, hey, Johnny! Hey, hey! Hey, Johnny!" Okay, please write me back ASAP so we can clear up this mess over the restraining order and tell me all your secrets to your hotness!

I love you! Call me!

I'm OUT!

With love,


  1. in the words of Mrs. Doubtfire..."Well, isn't he a STUD MUFFIN!" <3

  2. Johnny i wish to see you one day, i need to look into your eyes, honestly how can you be so so perfect, i watch your movie all the time, i nkow you don't like to be reached by everybody, but i'm one of your crazy fans that i want to sheik your hand. Good luck for you and your family .